


forsaken love

by ryghry



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad Ending, idk - Freeform, its not that sad its just slightly sad, just a projection of authors sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28117017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryghry/pseuds/ryghry
Summary: they leave each other that’s it .
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Kudos: 1





	forsaken love

anxiety had grown it’s roots in his stomach and the leaves were almost coming out of his mouth. if he could he would take a flower from the plant growing in his stomach and play a little loves me loves me not game except he would ask it if he should do  this or not. the problem was there were no flowers , it was just leaves ; leaves that dried as soon as they grew , leaving joshua to deal with the pile like it was autumn. it wasn’t , it was winter and joshua felt his body dry up just like his insides. its taking too long to get there maybe he shouldn’t. no,resolute ; he is going to do this and it won’t hurt as much as he thinks.wrong.

jeonghan is standing there ; he is just standing . maybe peple think he's one of those living statues ; no hes only been standing there for , he checks his phone 5 minutes. no way someone has to be manipulating time because he’s sure he’s been like this for hours. he knows why he’s feeling so antsy. he saw it coming from miles awayhe wonders how people don’t see snowstorms coming their way the way he saw  this coming ; its not the same jeonghan , yes it is he decides. he would’ve done it but joshua always beats him at things like these , he realises that joshua  is  stronger ; maybe , maybe hes just stubborn no , levelheaded , rational.

jeonghan was never rational he was like winter snow unpredictable ,insidious. finally to put an end to his train of thoughts ; joshua . joshua was coming his wayhe too , seemed lost but it was not the same jeonghan realised just as fast .

At this point , he had to be walking for atleast 2 hours now because this was taking way too fucking long and joshua just wanted to be done with this. this is ridiculous  and then he saw jeonghan , he  saw jeonghan. the plant no the tree ; the leaves , no he can’t spit out crumpled leaves he has to  talk. hes walking towards jeonghan ; beautiful , angelic , stealthy in the nicest way possible jeonghan ,  his  jeonghan , he chokes. maybe they can figure it out , no they cannot they tried . they cannot absolutely impossible. nothing is impossible ; bullshit , he almost spits. hes closer now, only jeonghan in his peripheral. he sees jeonghan , but hes hollow , hollow like a statue . he wants to take a handful of the leaves inside his stomach and mouth and throw them out into the worldas if to berate the universe , the stars. 

He’s getting closer , jeonghan can see joshua now: blonde hair , white turtleneck , black coat , black pants ; simple , clean. he looks like he’s choking on something but he doesn’t know what ; he settles on  nothing  , he knows joshua well enough to know its not nothing but he doesn’t want to speculate any further.

oh hes almost here now , oh he  is here now . fuck he almost says it , anything to get out of  this  , please. no one listens.

their gazes meet , hes done for  now. 

inches away . shit. no time to recuperate they can  see  each other now. their breathing the same air now . joshua is not breathing he cannot breathe. not the leaves now not now please not now . the leaves now , more apparently joshuas insides are the most fertile land on the entirety of this planet . hes there now standing in front of jeonghan . the driest land but the most fertile he almost laughs at the thought. irony.

jeonghan’s pleadings don’t work. hes now standing eye to eye with joshua . fuck. he reallyhe was a statue  now . are people staring ? suddenly he’s self conscious. 

“hey” joshua mouths ; no sound comes out. it’s like he’s a tree he’s talking without actually saying anything . hey he mouths back , the least he can do.

there’s no going back now he’s here and jeonghan’s here too. silence. he doesn’t like this one bit so he tried to break the silence he mouths out a dry “hey” . no leaves come out of his mouth neither does 

sound.well he failed at talking not his first time the same thing happened when he first met jeonghan , the circumstances were different.jeonghan says hey toodoesn’t say as much as he mouths. 

silence again. someone has to talk and it has to be him , jeonghan is a statue today and he won’t get out of character today he knows. so he talks or tries to words fizz out as soon as they come to his lips , just like the leaves from before. suddenly jeonghan grabs his arm and is dragging him somewhere , this jeonghan he knows.

the silence kills. he sees joshua trying to form words but he can’t. he decides to become human again , he grabs joshuas hand and takes him to the nearest cafe so they can eat and talk . stuff their feelings and talk . he hasn’t eaten since yesterday ,he can taste the bile.

joshua stumbles just like he was stumbling for words. oh. its a cafe. theyre inside now . its warm ; but its still cold. in hindsight , hes cold probably because he hasn’t eaten . that explains the dizziness. jeonghan looks half famished. he realises the other hasn’t eaten either. well now this won’t be as awkward. he’s wrong  again. jeonghan’s ordering now : ham and swiss sandwich, chocolate muffin , vanilla latte. he almost wants to regurgitate what jeonghan said but stops , as much as he likes what jeonghan ordered he atleast wants to be able to choose this time.

jeonghan tries to be as coherent as possible while ordering. it works because now they’re joshuas order which means they understood. jeonghan almost subconsciously stares at joshua as he orders. joshua orders a smoked salmon sandwich , a yoghurt parfait and an americano. classic . its almost too endearing . he wants to vomit its the bile and his feelings ; he wants to cough out the feelings , they’re worse than the bile theyre worse than pretending to be a statue so your significant other won’t be able to break up with you and leave you forever .  hes shaken out of his thoughts when he realises joshua is done ordering and is asking him to sit at a table . shit how long was i gone? he questions himself.

“you can do this joshua its just ordering food, you’ve done this before” well he has but he hasn’t done this before like  this  ; like when has to be break with someone who probably is the love of his life because duty calls. he orders as fast as the tree in his stomach grew. he turns to jeonghan who has turned to stone ; a sculpture , life imitates art. “jeonghan” he whispers and jeonghan comes back to life , “ lets go sit somewhere”. he nods. they sit at a secluded spot , both aware of the conversation about to be had .

they’re sitting now. jeonghan likes this better than standing , hes not a statue anymore , maybe. why are they sitting like this , face to face , he doesn’t want to look joshua in the eyes and do this. he hates it , well suck it up because this is how this is going to , pep talk. the food arrives , quick too quick hes not ready to talk. he picks up his sandwich and stuffs his mouth so he doesn’t have to speak so he can defer this .

jeonghan is shoving food into his mouth , to avoid talking , he knows because jeonghan never eats like this ; sloppy and careless .he does the same because he too wants to avoid talking.

he has to down the food with the coffee because his insides are dry and nothing will go down . he’s chewing food but all he can taste is leaves and earth , he wonders if jeonghan tastes cement. they’re done eating , well that was quick. he curses himself for his gluttony he knows jeonghan does the same , they really don’t want to talk.

He’s done eating , nothing to chew on anymore , nothing to delay the conversation anymore. meteor shower in his stomach ; its the food , he decides. he sees the disappointment in joshua’s eyes after he finishes eating , the remorse isn’t over eating too much or too little its because he finished too quick. jeonghan knows , he feels the same way. 

they have to talk now . so they do. talking was the easiest thing to do when they were corresponding planets . but even planets move separately they have to they can’t risk ruining the delicate balance of the universe. so they move they’re moving now. joshua takes jeonghan’s hands into his own. they’ve done this before , different settings ,different reasons. they look everywhere except into each other’s eyes . because no matter how far they are from each other no planet is far from the sun. the eyes are the windows to the soul it’s true they hate it . “i leave tomorrow han” silence. their hands aren’t touching anymore ,touching burns. “ i know that jisoo” cold . stone . “ i’m sorry”. “i’m sorry too” . they’re regurgitating now ; painting the milky way. “can i say something?” yes please joshua wants to scream , he nods. 

he says nothing , takes joshua’s hands and squeezes them like hes trying to imprint something he doesn’t know what , doesn’t want to know.joshua’s vomiting now flowers and all ; hanahaki he remembers , if only. jeonghan can’t see the flowers or the leaves or anything jeonghan only sees the man who is leaving him , or so he thinks. jeonghan  sees  not the flowers not the leaves but the hurt oh this is wretched his stomach twists now , hes mad at the universe. there’s nothing to say anymore. joshua takes out a ring now ,from his pockethands it to jeonghan. this stings. what does this even symbolise.he takes it anyways he’ll take whatever he can have , today he can be selfish. he doesn’t have anything for joshua. joshua knows , hes okay with it hes made peace with it because he knows he deserves it. “what is this? well i _know_ what  it is , its a ring. but what does it even mean shua? , that “hey im leaving you for a potential death trap but it was fun while it lasted”. im not dense you know” jeonghan hisses. he shoots the words like poisoned arrows and they all strike joshua and it hurts. its not entirely true . joshua tries to gather his words , fails . what he wants to say is that the ring is to commemorate their time together . but he says nothing he lets jeonghan attack . “i’m sorry” are the only words that come out of his mouth.jeonghan stares at the ring , plays with it . “ did you buy it or-“ hes cut off . “it’s my  _dead_ grandmother’s she gave it to me”. oh. oh. everything around jeonghan is spinning now ,stars he sees stars everywhere. joshua didn’t  want  to attack but he had to he has to let jeonghan know what he means to him. 

“so i’m leaving tomorrow and i’m done packing and i don’t think i’ll get to meet you before i leave i mean i told you before but yeah . i  _will_ miss you jeonghan.” silence again. they’re used to it now , its better than when theyre talking. “oh. it was my fault  partly , for not asking what it is that you do for a living. i would not have uprooted my life for you if i had known. what’s done is done i guess. i _will_ miss you too  joshua just so you know” 

“ so that’s it then? i can leave?”

“yes that’s it. joshua. yes you can leave it’s not like you need my permission anyways.”

“hmmm” “i’ll be able to write to you , you know” “i don’t think you  will”

“i will” “ don’t make promises you cannot keep joshua” “i’m not and that’s not the point im saying i will write it’s a fact not a promise” “whatever you say” “good”

“can i leave now? i really do have to go hannie”

“fine.”

joshua gets up , jeonghan sits , he wants joshua to leave so he can lament this , whatever this was, alone . he looks back at joshua he’s almost at the door when jeonghan decides to tell him “callmebeforeyouleaveplease” jeonghan hopes joshua doesn’t understand, part of him hopes he does. joshua laughs. he  _understood_.  joshua is long gone now , its been twenty minutes . he downed another drink ,this time he ordered an americano. it tasted like joshua. it suddenly dawns on him that he’s been here way too long now , he doesn’t want to get mistaken for a statue again.

so he puts on  _his_ ring and coat and walks out of the cafe and keeps walking.

**Author's Note:**

> half assed attempt at writing? i just needed a distraction from life  
> please excuse any mistakes made wrote this in the am and did not proofread .


End file.
